Now that I'm an in-house guy at the Ginormous Corporate Entity, I get to participate in conference calls wherein numerous individuals from throughout the country get to pontificate at length, express deeply held beliefs about issues they know nothing about, confuse the issues, focus on the insignificant, and generally waste my time. True, when I was at the Evil Defense Firm I participated in many such calls with co-counsel, adversaries, and the court. And those too sucked. But now, now, now, I don't get to bill for them. On the plus side, it's less necessary that I pay attention. Take yesterday. A full hour with a committe that I cannot name, consisting of 15 lawyers and non-lawyers scattered about the Large Urban Center where the home office of the Ginormous Corporate Entity is located, as well as smaller, and ever smaller, and really small towns throughout the country.
The topic was, I believe, what we should about the recent ass-fucking we received from a judge in Utah. You wouldn't think there would be much ass-fucking in Utah, but you would be wrong. Almost as one, no one understood why we lost or what we should argue on appeal. For most of the call, I read the New York Times. I did have an opinion on the topic, but I wasn't sure if I should express it, being the new guy, and all. But finally, after my coffee cup was empty, I'd had enough. So I spoke up. "I've heard quite a few good ideas and strategic approaches this morning, but I think, based on my experience, that the best course of action would be ..." And they listened. They listened. God bless their little claim adjuster hearts. Yeah, it's good to be the lawyer.
